Clothing - Landmine or Goldmine?
When we talk about building a healthy relationship with our bodies, selves, and food - clothing is a vital part of that conversation. To have that conversation, we need to define a few things:
Body Image: refers to feelings (physical and emotional), perceptions, and thoughts about the body. This includes how it feels to be in the body and how we feel about the body. A great, short, breakdown of body image can be found here and an expert in exploring body image can be found here.
Body image is built on a foundation of one’s own unique history (childhood, experiences, beliefs, culture…) and continues to evolve with new experiences throughout life.
Body image is transient. It changes based on our emotional state, recent events and physical sensations.
If you’ve ever felt wildly different about yourself day to day or even within the same day, you’ve likely experienced the transient nature of body image.
Ex: things are going well at work and home, got a good night’s sleep, wearing clothes that fit/are comfortable = feeling ok/good in your skin!
Ex: had a difficult meeting at work, wearing fabrics that rub against skin in an uncomfortable way, harsh lighting in the bathroom = feeling really worn down and hopeless in your skin!
Body image is independent from body size. What I mean by this is that changing your body size will not change your body image directly. However, a changing body size can AFFECT body image.
Ex: a person loses weight (for whatever reason) and continues to feel uncomfortable IN their body and ABOUT their body.
Ex:a person gains weight (for whatever reason) and does not feel differently IN their body or ABOUT their body on a day to day basis. However, there might be moments in time, where how they feel in and about their body does change, such as realizing last year’s jeans do not fit well, and notices body parts differently when stretching/exercising.
Body image is independent from body size AND people existing in large bodies have more EXTERNAL factors which affect their body image on a day to day basis.
Will I fit into the chair at the restaurant
Can I find any clothes in the store that fit my body?
Will I receive adequate care at the doctor’s office?
Can I have a meal without someone making a judgment, comment, etc. about my character?
Am I safe here?
These questions affect the experience we have IN our bodies.
Clothing can be a landmine for a person struggling with their body image. Closets are an interesting place - they contain clothes from different periods in our lives . The reality is that bodies are meant to change. Clothing that fit you 5 years ago, even 1 year ago might be uncomfortable today. This is a common experience that we have been made to feel is a significant moral failing- it’s not.
I know one thing for sure. Continuing to return day after day to a closet that is no longer made for you is going to frustrate any efforts at having a stable body image. Many layers of privilege have allowed me to do a few really intentional things around my clothing recently and it made me notice a few key things.
I was relying on certain favorite pieces of clothing that didn’t really work for my body any more. By getting a few new pieces, I feel excited about these new pieces and I don’t feel like I’m losing anything by getting rid of the things no longer working.
A few fresh pieces of clothing that truly fit (which is difficult in so many ways) is a goldmine for feeling better IN and ABOUT the body. It feels like a fresh haircut. And, we can’t rely on it for all our internal work.
Getting a few fresh pieces can be low investment. This might come from attending a clothing swap (with a diverse attendance to ensure there are sizes and styles available across the spectrum) or deciding to really invest in 1-2 pieces that are a little more pricey but you feel 100% about them. I have found over the years that cheap can be expensive when it comes to clothing.
At minimum, I recommend a closet inventory. You don’t have to get rid of anything or get anything new. Try on your clothes (while listening to some upbeat music, taking breaks any time it feels too overwhelming) and anything you feel iffy about or that does not fit, put it in a bin and take it out of your closet entirely. Dress from what’s left for a while and notice gaps and things you might need to look for moving forward.
You deserve so much more than clothing that makes you feel less than.
Till next time.