Core Beliefs
What deeply held beliefs do you have that guide your behavior?
These deeply held beliefs might help you define yourself. “I’m a person who…“ …I’ve often found that people don’t think too much about the core beliefs that drive behavior. Yet, these have ripple effects on how we treat ourselves.
It takes some reflection, some curiosity without judgment to investigate this.
As a dietitian, it’s easy for me to go to food and body for examples of this.
I’ve always heard women talk hatefully or disdainfully to their bodies, so I must do so as well. I see the flaws first, and sometimes only.
Desserts are indulgent and I shouldn’t have them….so when I can’t resist them, I’m weak and can’t control myself. I’m addicted.
It’s important to take less and eat less, especially as a fat person. I should feel ashamed of eating in public.
As you can see, these core beliefs bleed into our behavior - sometimes unconsciously. They are driven by fear and shame. They make us feel less than. I think part of the challenge of these beliefs is that they are often reinforced by our lived experience. Oftentimes, comments are made about one’s size related to food/beverage intake or choices. Flaws in body are talked about derisively and do denote worthiness and privilege in our world. There are core beliefs we hold societally which reinforce our own individual core beliefs.
Physical beauty is objective and based on small size and discipline - individual choices.
Sweets are not for big people, but also big people can’t control themselves around sweets.
Health and body size are intertwined without question - assumed.
To be smaller is to be valued and respected. To be larger is to be overlooked and often ridiculed.
So, this seems tricky. If my core beliefs are built on my own lived experiences, words ingrained from my family, community and reinforced by how society treats me (others)….what can I do?
This is a difficult question, and the response is individual. It might feel safer to continue to fight internally to be “right’ in the eyes of not only others, but yourself. It might feel necessary to continue to chase after an easier, happier body via control.
The alternative is unknown. What might it look like to let go of external and internal beliefs about what it means to be “good” around food? What might it feel like to get to know your own wants and needs, unfiltered? To forge new boundaries and tools for navigating the sometimes unkind and hurtful world we live in?
I do believe it’s a journey worth taking with the right support.
Brene Brown says something like, the brain can’t learn in shame. But shame is what many of us have been taught (sometimes blatantly, sometimes subtly) to exist in most of the time.
If you are interested in taking on some of these questions - considering why you believe what you believe about yourself, your body, food…. I’m here for the conversation, the learning, and the unknown.
Till next time,
Natalie